Atul Gawande refers to Plato’s Laches (380 BC0, in wich Socrates is in conversation with Laches and Nichias, two generals, on the topic of courage. They cannot reach consensus on a definition, and leaves the reader with “Courage is strength in the face of knowledge of what is to be feared or hoped. Wisdom is prudent strength”. In the past two years I have come to know the fears of so many Elders, coming from a lack of knowledge. Hence my parading around the country with “The Geriatric Giants”, and the incredible reponse to this session on ageing. The lack of knowledge and information, the ageist projection of “alternative facts” and the fear of the unknown result in an unnatural trajectory of ageing. Truly understanding the geriatric giants not only alleviate the fears, it has a visible impact on the way that people age. Addressing any of the myriad of eventualities of ageing can bring about positive change. Empowering Elders through information, knowledge, skills, the right tools and a supportive environment bring about a new lease on life. One where the Elder can take charge of their own destiny, making informed decisions, being the master of their own ship again. 

Many years ago I was told the story of an Elder in the Jewish Care Home in Cape Town, Highlands House. When he moved in, he was unable to walk. The staff asked him what his dream was. “My son died many years ago, and now his daughter is getting married. My dream is to walk with her into the synagogue on her wedding day”. With the help of the Occupational Therapist, they made his dream come true. Gawande expands greatly on this theme when asking his terminally ill patients these three critical questions: “What are your biggest fears and concerns? What goals are most important to you? What trade off are you willing to make, and what not?” Profound questions, not just at the end of life. (A professor told him that if he can no longer watch football on the television and eat chocolate ice cream, his life will not be worth living.)

Apart from almost missing the train from Rome to Figline because we are waiting on the wrong platform, our trip is uneventful. The joys of a decent public transport system that is dead on time, spotlessly clean and seamless. On the quiet little station of Figline we are met by the most beautiful welcoming party – Danielle, Cristian, Simone, Valentina and Elder Maria with a poster with the South African flag bidding us welcome. A chance connection via Facebook thanks to Bogga in Iceland brings Victor and I to this little village to share the Eden Alternative story with the employees of Casa Gia and Casa Martelli. There are two more Elders waiting for us in the bus to welcome us. We are whisked off to the most beautiful hotel – Casagrande. And Grande it is indeed! An hour later Simone and Valentina pick us up for a tour of the two homes. As we walk into Casa Martelli, it is clear that life is happening here – there is a farewell party for two employees who are retiring. Champagne and music, lots of laughter testifiy to the Italian spirit. 

This is truly an amazing group of individuals. Most of them were born in the village and have grown up here, knowing each other for a lifetime. Same is true of the Residents. Figline Valdarno was the grain storage for the Romans – warehouses behind huge walls protected the gold of Italy – wheat for their pastas and breads. The sense of connectedness cannot be missed – hugs and kisses and jubilant “CIAOS” follow us through the two homes. Simone is remarkable – his genuine presence with every resident and staff member makes my heart crumble. I wish I could show the world what genuine, authentic human caring looks like when personified in a human being. I wish I could show them Simone. Every time I look into his eyes my heart crumbles.

The homes are similar to our – apart from fantastic pieces of equipment. Bed baths, hoists, vending machines of every possible kind all over the home. Lots of activities make for a feeling of energy – in Casa Gia there is a guitarist playing traditional Italian songs. Elders are singing along. We request one of the Italian patriotic songs we learnt years ago in Venice – within seconds everyone is belting out “della ciao, della ciao della ciao ciao ciao!” – must be the Italian Sarie Marais!

After our tour we are zipped off to Danielle’s house in the mountains, which he has lovingly restored over the past six years. Only the photographs will do this place a bit of justice. Here you find the soul of this remarkable human being. Danielle and I connected on a deeply personal level. His energy is almost frightening his passion infectious, his deep understanding tangible, trying to learn more and more all the time. His leadership is wonderful to watch, especially the way he cares for his staff. We take a walk to the village square to have ice cream. A slick little shop has a mind blowing selection of gelati. I go for the Nutella and Rum and Raisin, with a scoop of mango in a sugar cone. Moments like these make me realise how blessed I am…

After our visit to Danielle’s beautiful refuge in the mountains, we go for dinner. Three of the group members are very good cooks – Mario, Rolando and Andrea took over the kitchen of Selvapiana. A tour into the cellar reveals thousands of wine bottles, dating back to the 60’s. We start with antipasti – bruschetta with pomodoro, sausage of boar, salami, cheese and of course the best red wines from the cellar. The main courses are four different pastas. By number three I want to weep – not only is it so delicious, but incredibly filling. The joy of being at the table with Italians. Everything that we see in the movies and fantasise about it real, right here at this table. 

I am not quite sure how we got home, reminding me of my 40th birthday party in La Piavine many, many years ago. Slightly hung over we are picked up at 07h15 the next morning to trek out to the mountains for our two day retreat. Of course we first have breakfast on the way. Well, Italian breakfast. Strong coffee and a sweet pastry. I opt for the doughnut filled with the creamiest custard filling, covered in sugar. Just what I needed after a few gallons of wine the night before.

As we climb higher and higher up the mountain pass, I start panicking about how on earth I am going to share the Eden Alternative story via a translator, to people who have been dragged away on the whim of their Director. We have to take a ten minute walk through a beach forest to the mountain refuge, where Marco and Christina await us with bellowing ciaos! Characters that are high on mountain air…

The room is set up for us, and at each table we find a personalised T-shirt for each one of us, including our hosts Marco and Christina. Danielle has thought of such minute detail and had gone through such trouble. The T-shirts were only finished at 02h00 that morning, when he went to fetch them.  I stand astounded at this man – and see so much of my own dreams in his eyes. 

No time is wasted before we launch into an extended “Open Hearts, Open Minds” session. Valentina is amazing as a translator. Very soon I feel the magic happen as people start interacting – nothing like a bunch of 24 Italians debating what a true human habitat is. After our session we all trek up the mountain – the views are endless. The greenest of hills and dense grass with tiny little flowers and loads of insects make one want to roll down the way we did as children. Someone mentions that we should have had Prosecco – trust Danielle and Simone to run down the hill to fetch ice cold Prosecco for us. Our room overlooks the forest, I sleep like the dead and simpy cannot get up as promised to see the sun rise. Danielle did – just before 08h00 he returns from a four hike up the mountain. (I think he never sleeps…)

Our second day starts with a learning circle out on the green meadow, and the energy is flowing. We now know each other, have a wonderful connection of shared passion which open hearts and minds. Every now and then I really have to pich myself – here I am in the Appening mountains sharing my passion. In between energetic discussions, loads of strong doppio macchiati, sweet pastries, more pasta and red wine, time flies. Before long we are back on the mountain path to where the cars were left. Somehow it all went too fast. How can I imprint these two days in my memory to never forget them?

“Nog is dit het einde niet”. Danielle arranged for all his staff to come for supper at the home at 20h00 and a meeting at 21h00. I rest my case – the man is crazy. And by 21h00 he had prepared a beautiful presentation with photographs and stories of our two days. The enthusiasm of the group that went up the mountain is tangible, and the testimonies of what it meant to them incredibly humbling to me. Between gooseflesh and tears I find myself being eternally grateful for this experience.

Victor and I stumble into bed – hard to believe this little interlude in our Italian holiday. Tomorrow is Thursday – must be Naples.